I feel

I feel like I just watched someone I love walk out of my life.

It’s almost like it was in slow motion.

It makes me wonder if there is someone out there for me

Or if that is a myth that they say.

When truly how would they know if someone was out there.

There is no proof of that idea.

You can believe it or not.

It’s your own choice if you want to.

As I sit alone in my bedroom.

At times I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

But yet lots of the time I don’t think my future will be different.



Already Know

I already know I lost you.
From the moment those words hit the screen I knew I did.
With you saying you wanting to think about what’s more important.

It comes down to choosing me or a bigger family.
I told you I don’t want kids, you know I struggle so much with my past.
Bullied and harassed, I always read stories about kids going through it now.

The difference is now they can’t get away from it, there’s facebook, instagram, snapchat
All ways to get in touch with someone, not to mention cell phones.
If I couldn’t get away from it, my life story maybe different.

I would loose my mind if my child went through it.
Knowing what it did to me.
I would loose sleep at night.

Just know this, if you don’t choose me.
I will forever respect you.
You have been the greatest gift in my life.

I will love you forever and always.
Knowing things will be awkward if you choose what I figure you will.
Respecting your choice is a promise I will make to you.

You deserve to follow your heart.
It knows you best.
I love you Natasha


How You See Me

It’s amazing how you see me.
After all these years and all I’ve done and still do for you.
Remember back in the day Mom had a problem with you
So I bent over backwards so she wouldn’t kick you out.

A few years later she had another problem so once again
I stuck my neck out so she wouldn’t kick you out.
But yet you look at me as a monster.
I don’t understand.

We get shitty weather, I go outside before you get home.
I shovel to make sure you can get into the driveway.
Last time I checked I thought that was being a nice guy.
Once again I’m the monster.

I wanted to talk to you about something.
Then your attitude flared up.
I forgot I’m the monster with no heart.
Your life should be so much better since you have everything figured out.

Every little thing that happens you question everyone.
You give everyone attitude about everything.
I’m not sure how anyone else sees it.
But I bet to your friends, you don’t act that way.

Shit, I never realized maybe it’s your too damn privileged.
You must be that child who watches tv, movies and listens to music.
Having to take lines from that song and repeat them over and over.
Until you believe that it’s you.


She Believes

She believes that she should be worshiped.
No doubt also believes that she can walk on water.
Too bad that shit is frozen and I can see cracks forming

Each step she takes the cracks get bigger and I know she’s going to fall.
She hopes that her attitude will save her as her friends will come running.
But I know her truth won’t set her free, as she better be prepared to drown.

In her lies, as I look into her eyes.
She thinks she’s better than everyone else just cause she has tits and pussy.
Too bad that shit basically has a revolving door that she can turn on or off.

Or the puppet master can, I wonder if she’s ever made a decision in her own life.
Maybe she just left it up to the puppet master.
Whomever pulls that string.

I wonder who made her feel like that.
But yet she acts all down and depressed, which is just a front.
So she doesn’t show the world how she feels.

She complained that she got passed up for a promotion that she deserved.
When she was only in that position for a year or two.
Talk about entitled, that made her depressed.

Who had to save her that time.
Yup, it was me if that’s who you guessed.
I won’t be there next time.

I seen those inner workings
It’s like her own personal cult.
Say no to cults kids, say no to cults.


Stupid Bitch

I can’t believe for one second you think I have no clue.
It’s like watching you walk down a winding path I can see every step.
The lies that come out of your mouth on a constant.
But yet when it was me on the other end you kept saying no.

Playing mind games and other games is all you can do.
Since you know deep down nobody would want you.
The only thing you can offer them is sex, not love, not support.
Every thing else makes you complain.

Watching you go through all this, I know your going to get kicked out.
It’s a slippery path but it’s only a matter of time.
Your not smart enough to hide it.
In fact you’ve already slipped up.

You keep running up your credit card to please the other three.
But it’s funny to see.
That you would turn towards friends to do sexual things with.
I bet you fucked him constantly when we were together.

You’ve always been a puppet and someone was the puppet master.
I watched from a distance for so long.
It was just fucking torture how one could treat me like that.


You Wish You Knew What Love Was

You wish you knew what love was.
After everything finished you talked about “how you don’t need love”
All your looking for is to be used time and time again.
That’s all you want to be is constantly used.

Used by one guy after another, because you don’t know how to love.
You know how to use people and how to make people think you care.
But when it comes down to actual love, you only wish you knew.
It’s really quite sad that you want to be passed around like a paper plate.

Once that person is done with you, then passed to the next.
Then back to the first, it’s like they will just line you up.
But I guess you’ve realized that nobody truly does want you.
So you have to give yourself to your friends.

Since clearly no one wants them either.
I thought you were better than that.
Clearly I was wrong about that thought.

Wish I could have helped you.
I tried, now it’s time to watch the train, wreck.
You think you know everything and want to give attitude.
I’ll be sure to have the first seat to watch your life.

Watch it get flushed away.


Fucking Liar

I can’t believe how much you fucking lied to me over the years.
Relationship started out good then a few years later you told me
“No more sex, I’m not into it”
My mind began to question if I did something wrong.

After continuing the relationship for countless years
You began to fucking roll your eyes everytime I hugged or kissed you
Once again I thought I was doing something fucking wrong.
Walking around like a fucking little princess better than everyone.

I was too fucking blind to see that shit but yet there you were.
Starting to treat people like shit so I would bend over backwards for your fat ass.
Can’t fucking believe it but I did it anyway cause I thought I knew what love was.

I had a gut feeling that you were up to no good, so I played on my gut instinct.
Done it before with other things too and wasn’t wrong.
What does my gut show me.
You lied to me this whole time and your nothing but a whore.

Just wanting to use me so you got a place to stay.
Wanting to get away from your parents cause you didn’t get along with them.
When you knew you had it in with my family shit stopped and this attitude began.
Can’t fucking believe that someone would treat another person like this.

Second time I trusted my gut instinct it revealed to me more than words could have.
Your trying to get your friends to gang bang you because all of a sudden you had an “awakening”
Are you fucking kidding me right now ?
All these years I thought it was me, clearly you have the stop and go on that drive.

I learn more in one night than I did learn in thirteen fucking years.
I bet you even cheated on me too, cause that’s the type of person your turning out to be.
After I came across what I did, I began to shake in fucking anger.
How could you do this to me.

But it’s clear your a user, your the worst kind of fucking female out there.
Using your body to get shit in life, playing on peoples feelings.
I trusted you, I fucking loved you, I gave you a ring.
Clearly you had no feelings towards me, but you were just playing a role.

Never knew I was dating a washed up actress you stupid bitch.
But yet everything is an act to you.
You have to “perform” when the spot light is on
Did your manager say it was OK.

I can fucking bet which one of your friends he is.
Now I know why you kept me away from your friends.
All these fucking years.