Coming Back Down

I’m not coming back down from this.
Brain is firing like a mad scientist.
I can feel the electricity flowing through my brain
Don’t remember yelling throw the switch

But clearly it happened, my brain is fuckin over flowing
With ideas, not sure if I can contain them all
But they all shall be written
So it’ll be written, so it’ll be told

I’m tired of people and dealing with them all
Just going to be rolling solo
Clearly that’s how I was meant to be
Don’t care anymore, just like how people look at me

They don’t care about me, so why should I care about them
I bet I won’t hear from people cause everything is one sided
Should have known that from minute one
The way things started I thought they were different

Facing uphill battles, tired of arguments
Tired of making plans and finding I’m sitting solo
Don’t care anymore, fuck it all
Never was any good making friends

So why bother worrying about that shit from now on
I don’t have to worry about anyone but me
Many ideas I have had for myself already
Who knows where I will start

The brain is creating so much energy
Just don’t care
The best thing I can do
Clearly I’m the worse thing for you

Worse thing for everyone
Nobody should have to make time for this
Nobody has, nobody will, nobody can
It’s fine, that’s what everyone wants.

Keep checking the front window like a lost soul
Waiting to be found, to be accepted
No acceptance for this man.
Never has been, never will be.

Let me sit in the darkness
Let the quietness wash over me
Please, I can’t fucking wait
No longer having to worry, or wait, or get my hopes up

Wish you would have told me I’m a inconveince
But it doesn’t matter
I doubt I’ll hear from you, it is what you want

In your mind your going to tell yourself that I didn’t want you
Clearly that shows it was one sided
Tried to be there for you, it failed
Oh well… You didn’t want me anyways

Kennie

Why Is It ?

Why is it that I have trouble speaking my mind
At times when I want to say something I end up shaking instead.
Not many people seem to notice me shaking when it happens
But it’s very very noticeable

At times I wish I had more courage to speak my mind
Say what I want to say in voice rather than text
But I don’t see that ever happening
Not now, not ever

Growing up every time I tried to speak my mind I would get yelled at.
Almost like I wasn’t suppose to have my own thoughts
I had to think the same as my parents
Anything different was wrong

I still have problems overcoming this
Still shake at times a lot, other times not so much.
I don’t think I will be able to overcome this entirely

Thinking it’s always going to be apart of my life.
Another one of those traits that I have to live with
That I have no control over.

It’s always difficult meeting new people.
I can’t control me shaking, all the time.
But I know people look at me like there’s something wrong with me.
I can’t stop it when it starts.

To be honest it frustrates me
How could it not
I feel like in a sense it’s a disability
People see it and think something is wrong

Kennie

Almost Time

It’s almost time to start my marathon
Of movies as I lay in bed surrounded by darkness
Hiding from the world as it turns

Bothers me ? it does not.
Allowing my mind to go numb while I watch
Things that I use to.

As my eyes drift close
My mind becomes at peace when I sleep.
Waking up after a few hours.

I might get up, to join the rest of the world
Or do I change the movie up.
Will be a spontaneous decision.

More than likely changing up to another movie
Waiting to see what’s next that I find
To stare at blankly

Allowing for me to not pay attention to.
Almost like my mind isn’t even here anymore
My eyes look like static as nothing can be seen

Been told in the past that my eyes were sad
I believe they are now balls of static looking at the world.
Not sure if they show emotion.

Not sure what they show
People tell me life is convoluted
Perhaps I’m too simplistic for life

Never been one to understand much.
Can explain it to me several times
But my mind has yet to get it.

Brain drifts in and out of different thoughts
I don’t think I even understand what comes out of my mouth
Trouble pronouncing words that should be easy.

It takes me three to four times
Then I might just give up cause I feel lazy
You can easily see me struggle at times

But yet at times I try to continue things
Other times I’m just better off just to forget
I struggle with the simplest

Complex I don’t even try

Kennie

Nothing More

Not eating like I use to.
Food doesn’t seem to have that affect on me.
No longer do I smell and stomach growls.

Been watching more movies than usual
Spending more time in bed.
Under the cover of darkness.

My mind still roams
I still get ideas to write.
The encouragement to do so is fading.

It doesn’t bring me the same joy it once did.
The ability to vent my frustrations
It just seems to stay with me even more.

As I continue to spend more time in bed.
Watching movies that I haven’t watched in a long time.
At times the tablet isn’t even turned on

I just lay letting my mind go blank.
Not having to think about much.
The world moves on without me.

As it should, would never ask anyone to stop it.
Everyone has there own thing that they have.

At times I sit in the darkness
It’s what I’m use to.
No matter if eyes open or closed.

Music or not, tablet or not.

I forget what day it is sometimes.
They all kind of drift together.
Continue as they must.

Sometimes I go outside to feel the warmth
Other times I stay in the basement where it’s colder and dark.
I use to write a bit on my facebook wall.

That became dangerous, people asked too many questions.
I don’t talk to many about what’s going on.
In my mind it’s safer that way.

No matter what I do
No matter what I say
I will always be

Nothing more

Kennie

Ungrateful

Can’t believe how ungrateful you became in such a short time.
Accident happened, in tears you called me.
I dropped what I was doing, Mom did too.. Rushed up there.
I comforted you, talked to tow truck drivers.

Asking every question I could think of to try and help you out.
Later took you to the hospital and stayed with you.
At the hospital you said “wish you didn’t come with me”
It hurt, being the nice guy, always trying to do everything I can.

The next day you said “wish I didn’t call you”
WOW, so fucking ungrateful. It made me step back and reassess
Definitely is going at things differently now.
I never deserved any of that, but you want to try and show me no remorse.

I guess everything will be coming back on you, after all it’s your own fault for it.
If you want to show me no remorse, I shall show you the same.
Even though you’ve been complaining about your shoulder since before the accident.
Keep saying to me that you don’t want to move out till after you talk to the doctor.

Yeah but that’s no longer my problem, cause I see how you want to treat me.
You brought on your own difficult life, mixed with bullshit and lies.
That’s all you seem to know is bullshit and lies.
You have made me sick to my stomach.

I barely eat now, I’ve lost weight..
I goto bed early so I wouldn’t have to put up with you.
Getting out of bed shortly after you climb into bed
Less time having to spend with you is the best.

I have trouble keeping an interest in things I normally like.
Feel like my life was fucking shattered.
Trying to pick up the pieces and remember who I was.
Trying not to turn bitter towards everyone, just you.

As I rebuild myself I shall be stronger and smarter.
Feel sorry for the next person who has to put up with you.
They don’t see what I seen, but they will.
They might talk shit about me now, but they will see the true you.

Kennie