Dear @kj52

Dear KJ;

Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Kennie and I want to thank you for shining light onto what appeared to be a very dark life.
I first stumbled upon your stuff through a page on wikipedia, I looked up another white rapper, perhaps you heard of him.. None other than Eminem
In a section called comparisons with other artists, it mentions you and to be honest when I first read it I laughed when I put the words christian and hip-hop together
At the time most of the hip hop I would be listening to would be a complete 180 as it’s called horrorcore.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern

Dear KJ;

The first track I heard from you was none other than Dear Slim, your words and style was sounding different to me, way different.
As I listened I started to feel the weight get lifted off my shoulders as I started to look back at my life, as I learned more about you.
First comparison I made was we’re both Christians, always been but it’s been kind of pushed aside along the way of my life.
Back in elementary school I even dawned the white robe and was an altar boy, something I generally don’t say much since we both know that a stigma goes along with that.
The month I came across you my iTunes bill went up, I couldn’t get enough of listening to you, it washed many other words and images.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern

Dear KJ;

Over the last year I’ve been touching on many grey subjects, nothing incredibly dark but it definitely hasn’t been that light either.
Went through a break up, still living with my ex so we both have good and bad days together.
I’ve always been that nice guy and with knowing she doesn’t have much coin to her name I would rather see her live with me than be homeless.
Sadly not many people understand that and I know I’ve pulled my hair out on more than one occasion over things that have gone on between me and her.
Anyway that’s all I really have to say, just a bout four hundred words from a poet up in Canada.

To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern
To whom it may concern

Kennie

Are You Ready To Fall

Have you learned in life that there’s more than one way down
Just when you think for a moment you are going up, you’ll realize
Up is just a figment of your imagination, but down is a constant plummet

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?

I’m thirty six and I’ve yet to learn what it’s like to stand on my own two feet
But I’ve learned what it’s like to have everything pulled out from under me
Never one to know what it’s like to understand why life is this way

Just for a moment before having it pulled out from underneath
Just when I thought I found happiness, Just when I thought I knew what was going on
Whoosh the rug pulled out from under me, the grass cracked and falling yet again

Back in the day I wanted to be a sports caster, always studying the latest happenings
Then I started to hear the voice behind me, making fun of the way I talk
Even in class while I was reading out loud I could still hear that voice over mine

Every word I read I fought the tears, if you ever looked into my mother fucking eyes
You would have seen it, not a single one dripped down from my face to the book
The tone in my voice stayed shaky like it always was even when I talked

The voice I kept hearing from people grew itself inside my head and wouldn’t leave.
It turned into something I couldn’t escape from, my once dream was flushed away
Didn’t know what to do with my life at that point, was the only one who had no dream

My writing began, as my darkness started to come out, the helpless fight
I would write, nobody would read it, it stayed hidden in my room
The anger and frustration grew, writing turned out not to be enough

One night I found it in my desk drawer, it was shiny and I wondered about it
I began practicing in myself in spots that nobody would see, easy things to cover up
Got brave one night, did my arm, was caught twice, made up one lie the first time

The second time was someone else, I looked at her and took off out of school
Next day I dropped out, she never heard or seen anything from me for countless years
Still have the scare to this day, still hearing that same voice in my head, still fighting

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?

Many times still fighting back the tears when you hear your own voice
Those comments still come back to my mind
At times I feel like it’s going to happen again

Are you ready ? Are you ready to fall
Are you ready ? Are you ready to have the rug pulled out from under you ?
Are you ready ? Are you ready to question everything you know ?

Kennie

One Last Chance

If I had one last chance
If I had one last chance
If I had one last chance, I would be alright

If I had one last chance to spend time with you, I think I would feel better
If I had one last chance to ask your advice on things, it might be more clear
If I had one last chance, just one last chance, I would be alright

If you had one last chance to talk to me, what would you say ?
If I had one last chance to warn you not to go, would you listen
If I had one last chance would it make a difference ?

If I had one last chance, would I change the outcome
Or on that day were we suppose to loose someone ?
If I had one last chance would it matter ?

See you Wednesday, the last words you said to me standing in the door
We both laughed and parted our ways, who would have thought it’d be the last
Always been the one who struggled to piece words together

Never was the one who seen eye to eye with you, always the one who got yelled at
We were always at each others throats about more things than I could count
Everything had to be your way, you refused to budge or listen to me

I never was the one on the same playing field as you
If you had one last chance, would you change that
If you had one last chance, would you change that

If I had one last chance
If I had one last chance
If I had one last chance, I would be alright

Kennie

How I Am

I’ve never been the most fun to be around.
Always keeping to myself, even when I was in high school.
Use to bury my nose in the sports section, studying stats, scores and transactions

Some thought I must have been uber smart, always got D’s in high school
My girlfriend is sporting four of those so not much has changed there
The quietness is still a big part of my life, spending much of my time not saying much.

Depending on who I’m around will reflect my levels of talkative.
At times I just let the music drift me off to another place, filling my head.
With different ways to say things, piecing thoughts together like a puzzle

Different word patterns open my eyes
Everyone speaks differently, everyone writes differently
I find myself studying it.

Spending much time alone, at times it bothers me.
As of late I’m getting used to it, not sure if that’s a bad thing

At times I question if my heart is in the right place
I also question if that’s a good thing or a bad thing
Am I doing too much for the wrong people, too little for the right

At times I get addicted to messenger
Other times I wonder if it’s right for me
I tend to question most things in my life more than once

Could be why it takes me so long to do anything I think about
As I sit here writing, I’m still debating about doing things from a month ago
Do I want to spend the money and try it out, or just pass and see what’s next

No idea where my brain will take me tomorrow
Nor do I know where it will take me the next day
I don’t plan on writing at anytime, it’s all spontanious

This is how I am
Hate me or love me

Kennie

Little Man

Here I was thinking that you were some sort of threat.
You sent my girlfriend a dick pick and the truth came out.
Can’t be blaming that shit on cold water either

You made her laugh and question how many people fake it with you
To compare you to me, your a vienna sausage I’m sporting a frankfurter
All of a sudden I start feeling sorry for your own girlfriend

Not sure how she can really enjoy herself with something that small
You act like it’s hanging to your knees
I’ve always heard the biggest dicks are usually sporting the smallest

That truly is the case with you
Yet here you are trying to cheat on your girlfriend with mine
Little do you know that she tells me everything you say

At first it really bothered me, but I’ve quickly grown tired of you
I know she won’t do anything with you
Although you may want to watch yourself, your girlfriend may find out

Judging by your recent actions that tells me that she’s suspicious of something
I can’t wait till she uncovers your secret, can’t really say big secret it’s sad really
I’ve asked my girlfriend if I could meet you.

She’s hesitant about it
She’s nervous about my reaction when I meet you
She has nothing to worry about

I already know what kind of guy you are, if you meet me, you’ll talk shit about me
Put me down every chance you get, question why does she love me
I’m OK with that, your already so low on the food chain, you can’t get any lower
Or can you ?

Kennie

Feeling Nothing

Even though the worlds around me, I feel lonely
Even though the world has found me, it can drown me.

Sitting here feeling alone as I stare out the window watching others walk by
It makes me wonder as if I’m missing out on something great
So I step outside and look around, I see nothing.

I enter back into my house once again feeling bored and incomplete as I sit
Starring at the wall in complete silence watching my life tick away before me
Nothing appears to be going on with me and nothing.

In my head I’ve decided to walk away from the computer and devices
It might last for a few hours before I cave and jump on one of them
My life is built in a world of zeros and ones.

At times I wonder if I’m just a hologram of myself cause my real self is that boring
I then blink and come to as I look around the room nobody is around, it’s me all alone
Still sitting looking at the wall trying to figure out what I’m suppose to do today

The phone remains silent, my devices turned off trying to find something better
Knowing that on the inside I’m trying not to cave, but I feel my walls shaking
Will it happen now or in a few moments from now

I continue to sit looking at the wall as I try and figure out what am I going to do
Living in the middle of no where I know I have no options, can’t really walk anywhere
I continue to sit, my life passes before me, but my life ain’t that great anyway

Wondering if I should get up and do something I notice it’s now dark outside
I’ve spent my entire day sitting and doing nothing avoiding the devices I’m hooked to
Not knowing what else to do I decide to head to bed, tossing on the tv

I lay in bed as the screen flicker with what the random choice of the moment was
My eyes begin to get heavy, I don’t look forward to the next day
Cause I know, I’ll be doing it all over again.

Kennie

Been Struggling

Been struggling with going upstairs over the last few days
Looking outside makes me sad, I’m trying to avoid sadness
I know it’s not helping me, but I don’t know what else to do.

I tried to talk about it, clearly that’s not the answer.
I get answers yelled at me, then I get talked about behind my back
From my own mother on the phone with who knows who.

Telling them that “He’s not willing to help”
Everything always has to be your way for you to be happy
You already made me an empty promise

I don’t see me following through with it
I know everything you say has a hidden agenda to it
Makes me sad, makes me sick just thinking about it

At times I wonder if I’ll truly get over how I’m feeling
Or will the sadness just stay with me forever
As of the last few days I wonder if I’m stuck in this emotion

My pillow has seen more tears recently than it has in a long time
I make conversations in short bursts because that’s all I can muster up
Almost like limiting my characters, twitter convo.

I’m bracing myself for the long haul for dealing with this
I don’t know what else to do.

Kennie