The past

So it seems I’ve gotten many views as of late, not a whole lot where it’s like “holy shit” but more than usual. So I guess that means that everyone has that one bad relationship. So I’m glad I can write stuff that everyone can relate to..

I know my current girlfriend is very open with me. We’ve talked about so many more things than my ex and it’s just been a short time with her too. I’ve learned much and got to ask questions about stuff that my ex just answered things very simplistically. When I ask a question it’s cause I’m interested and I would like to learn it’s not just asking you a question to fake some sort of interest.
Some guys might do that, but I’m not one of those guys.

I haven’t decided how long my current release will be, current release is called “Long Road To Nowhere” , I think it’s currently 12-13 pages… But I could be wrong… I haven’t decided how long I would like to make it yet.

I haven’t decided if I wanted to write today, cause the last two days we’ve had a ice storm and I’ve watched the lights flicker a few times so I’ve just been trying to keep what I do down to a minimal.



First Few Days Of April

Hello Folks;

As we all know we’re now in April and just three days into it, well tomorrow (wedneday 4th) is the day that my xbox live gold subscription ends, knowing the way xbox is they will no doubt give me the entire day before it actually ends so in one way it will just end on the 5th. I’ve planned for this for quite sometime I have lots of games I haven’t played and honestly I went on some sort of spending rampage racking up quite the bill of games that I would like to play in the near future. I honestly think the games I have will no doubt last me for a good year or maybe two it will depend on how frequently I play them plus it will also depend on how long each game is. I still have games that I’ve started and barely have gotten 2% into and have moved onto something else. Not only that but it wouldn’t surprise me if between now and when I finish my games that a new game might come into my hands between now and then on a few occasions I know I’ve talked to my girlfriend about getting FarCry 5 at some point in time, I’m still working on FarCry 4 truthfully and I’m only about I think 40% done it, I have to say it’s a long long game, or maybe it’s cause I did a bunch of the side missions and things like that before diving into the actual story so that my character already had a bunch of crap that he unlocked prior to doing the missions and I basically have everything unlocked for my character before I crossed over to the second part of the island (or land mass or country… ) I’m not saying that it makes the game that much easier but who knows maybe it does since this is my first time playing it and running around solo doing the offline version, what can I say I have zero friends online.. Most of the time I have random people add me for one reason or another but I guess they figure that I’m going to swoop in and save them, but truthfully that’s not going to happen since tomorrow as I said is the last day that I’ll be playing online.

I have learned one thing… Xbox does two big sales a year, they do a summer sale and a Christmas sale, the difference from being a regular and a gold membership ? … 10% So I will still come across sales twice a year and that’s fine.

Last year when I had to renew my xbox gold I really hesitated and I waited until the last day before I actually did it, I more so did it for the gaming discounts because I’m not a online gamer. I more so play with myself… (cue the dirty thoughts) . I’m fine with that though. I know more and more Xbox is bringing 360 games to the world of backwards compatibility so here’s hoping that they bring forth some of the games that I own and it will allow me to play more items without having to worry about it.

So that’s where I stand in terms of my Xbox gaming.

Lets see what all else is going on with me, I’ve struggled with some thoughts recently some sad thoughts. I guess the nightmare or two that I had didn’t help the situation with that either.

Been thinking alot about me this year though, I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m 36 and I have no life path whatsoever. Some people plan there lives out, others follow the parental footsteps and do what there parents do. I honestly don’t know what I want to do, I’ve tried getting an actual job and nobody has hired me at this point. I dread this year because companies are closing up because of the minimum wage hike, what will make things worse is it’s suppose to go up again in 2019… So I can see that not helping me.
I sit here and I look at the rest of this year and I don’t know what is going to happen with me this year in all honesty. I know I will no doubt continue to write and release stuff when I have ideas or when something triggers a thought.

I want to do something more than write poetry, as I’ve said before I’ve tried short stories or stories the problem is I get frustrated / bored with things so quickly that the idea leaves me and I end up giving up on things which is why certain releases I’ve done recently happened the way they did.

I would never blame anyone for what goes on in my head besides me, I’m the one who has to be alone with myself and live with my own thoughts, I know I have a girlfriend who will gladly listen to me ramble about anything possible if it would help me out and I’m greatful for that but at the end of the day I’m still alone with my own thoughts and have to listen to those voices. I know I’ve said to her a dozen times if not more that I’ve wanted to run away and show up at her place and be with her just so that I wouldn’t be alone with my own thoughts but I know at some point in time I would end up being alone with my own thoughts.

I know that I write in the positive sense because I’ll be the first one to tell everyone “I wouldn’t want anyone else to know what’s going on inside of my head besides me” I more so say that because life is a complicated place and I know many people run through there own personal struggles on a day to day basis so why have anymore. I’m not worried if people would call me “psycho” or shit like that, been called names like that enough through high school they all lost all meaning.

So there ya go, it’s not even the fourth day in April and that’s already what’s going through my mind.


Dark Haiku Sex Life

So this is my next release, and I have three out of four things completed. It’s been definitely different for me but it got me doing some thinking some serious thinking at that I know the last thing that I released that was horror related is getting read by many people the counts for it keeps going up, it’s crazy like that.. But this is the last thing that I’m going to write with anything dark in it.

It just seems as of late almost every week or two a school shooting happens or some other mass murder or something like that. It’s just crazy at times it makes my head spin trying to grasp all that nonsense that’s going on in the world. I feel sorry for the younger generation because if this is what the world is turning into, man this isn’t going to be good.

It’s like walking on thin ice, cause we all know what happens if you do that.  I’ve never had many friends growing up and I still have very few friends being in my mid 30s and for a while I disliked it and wished I had more friends. But honestly I kinda like not having many friends, I know having more friends would get me out of the house which is always a nice thing however not having many friends allow my creativity to flourish. I don’t really show or tell many people about my creative side.


4 Book Boxset – Title & Cover

I’ve been thinking for the last few days and even a bit before that about this four book boxset that I plan on releasing and what am I going to do for the cover, I had a few ideas setup but it made it look like a child put it together so I struggled with it, I then had problems with my graphic program and after talking to my girlfriend about it I smartened up and realized that i need to buy that program because I use it a lot and I have to sink the money into it so I can keep my stuff going at the level that it’s going.

So I spent the money and sat at the computer and stared blankly at it and wondered I knew what the title of the book would be but how could I showcase it, I originally was going to take the four covers that I had created for the four separate books and mash them together but then I thought, nope that looks kinda childish so I wanted to do something different.. then it hit me… things had to get put together like a puzzle… that’s when the idea came to me…

So allow me to introduce the title of the upcoming boxet:
Dark Haiku Sex Life

The cover:

I have three puzzle pieces written, I’m working on the fourth, which fourth ??? That’s your own guess.


Short Lived ?

So here I sit, and post on the site that I said I was walking away from. However as I decided to venture out and walk away from all that I created in order to start the creation process once again. I find myself wondering if that shit was short lived…

Was it ?

Well this time around roaming solo, I have carefully decide what site I should be posting on and one of the sites I’m using is no different than what I use to use, but for my distribution site I’ve gone with a completely different site.. But this is where things may turn out to be short lived, I’m in the middle of creating my first release solo and it asked me for my writing name so I gave it, seeing how my writing name is just a first name… Which isn’t a uncommon ground for artists just to use one name (ya know… Cher, Eminem… etc) So it makes me wonder if it will actually accept it or not, I won’t know until I go to push my book out for distribution.

If it requires a last name then my plans end up being short lived, the reason for that is because I never once thought about using a second name, I chose not to use my real last name either because lets face it when you live in a small town it’s very easy to find you… Not that my last name isn’t easy to come across, but I try to use it as little as possible.

So I don’t know if my idea will be lasting long or very short lived, only time will tell, but I do have a fall back plan… If my plan is short lived and I can’t publish with just one name than I will clearly revert back to this site and go about things as if I never ventured off to do my own thing and I will no doubt close up the other site.
At that point I will resubmit it with the newer distribution but through us.

But anyways that’s all I have to say at this point in time.


Christmas Thoughts…

So we all know that Christmas is coming. For the last few years I had a thought but haven’t really stepped forward with it because I kept getting stopped in the same tracks. One of the things I thought for my Christmas list was “donation in my name to…..?” but that’s the thing I honestly wouldn’t know where I would want a donation sent. Most people say “do something close to you” well I could do something close to the family like the Canadian Cancer Society since Mom had breast cancer. But I would want something close to me, I think the only thing I could do is a donation to Sick Kids. The reason for that is when I was alot younger than I am now I had a hernia removed and I was in sick kids for that, then I got thinking deeper….

I had the thought of listing suicide hotline, no I never called it myself. But I’m sure many people do call it, but back in high school I did think about committing because of being bullied and harassed but I chose not to. The thing is not many people know that about me, I generally don’t talk about that side of my life to many people. So why are you guys so special ? Well I’m just putting it out there, it’s really your choice to read it or not to read it. I don’t know if people will look down on me for that or look up to me for that, not that it matters. I choose not to tell family about certain aspects of my life because my family seems to be very judgmental about everything so I hide many things from them. Such as the fact that I write speaking of which I took the time today to setup the books page on the site to show everything that I released at some point in time.

So my idea of a donation to something I would like to help, it didn’t happen this year, but I’m going to keep it in mind. I might do my own personal donation to something as my own gift to myself, I haven’t decided fully if I’m going to or not or where but if I do I’ll be sure to talk about it.

Last Night

Last night was a bad night for myself, had to make a late night trip to the bathroom. Not exactly how I chose to spend my saturday nights when I’m trying to sleep but lets face it things like that do happen. I don’t know if it’s cause I ate something that didn’t agree with me or what it was.

Making Music

So for the last little while I’ve been making music but that as abruptly stopped and everything I created was pulled from online since I discovered what I was making I couldn’t sell and that’s what I was trying to do, the license said that I could freely distribute but I couldn’t sell anything that I made. Needless to say it bothered me when I found that out since I sunk in a bunch of money into things already. So I’ve done my homework and I’m looking at another program, right now the other program I’m looking into is: Mixcraft 8 Home Studio I would buy it on steam, since I already have a few games on steam that I play and it’s the easiest way for me to buy things through it since I don’t have to worry about serial numbers or anything like that.  I’m sure I could no doubt use the software I have it’s just the loops I would have to replace, I might look into that in the near future. Right now I’m just trying to limit what I do just because I know the end of the year can be overwhelming with the holidays. But I decided to setup a link so if you’d like to drop me a tip feel free by clicking here

Well that’s all that I have to really share right now, not sure what I’m going to do for the rest of the day.