If I spent all day in bed, just laying there watching movie after movie.
I don’t know if anyone would overly care.
Not sure if anyone would check on me to see if I was alright.
I would continue to lay there and stare blankly at the tv.
No matter what was on, not sure if I would absorb it or not.
I would lay there and wonder what will tomorrow bring.
Would it be anything different, would it be better.
Perhaps something inspiring that day, or more dull.
Today I laid in bed until around 11am, I was awake at 10ish.
I just had no interest to really get out of bed.
Remembering laying there looking at the wall .
Thinking to myself, what if I did this all day.
Would that say anything different about me.
No I doubt it would.
If I went MIA would anyone try to get in touch with me.
Or is the idea of silence be golden.
At times I feel like the only time I talk
Is when I blog, sending my thoughts into the world.
For those who have found me and want to know what’s going on.
I feel lost, I know what I use to enjoy.
What I use to do through the days to keep my mind active.
As of late I feel like I can’t get into any of that.
Like I just want to put distance between me and that.
But for some reason I still go through those motions.
Hoping the enjoyment will come back to me.
Each day I want to just give up on those things.
Walk away from it and say “that’s no longer me”
I struggle with things that I use to enjoy.
Use to spend lots of time playing sports video games.
I just struggle with it now.
Not sure if I want to do it anymore.
The passion just isn’t there, almost like that part of me is dead.
Perhaps what’s best is for me to walk away from that part of me.
Figure out what’s going on, figure out what I enjoy.
I spent so much money on things I thought I enjoyed.
Now I’m second guessing it, making me wonder.
Did I just do it on a whim.
Or was the passion of that interest really there
It took me a few years but then I started to see.
You became spotted like swiss cheese.
The holes I seen were like glass.
I began to see through you.
Didn’t want to believe it at first, kept questioning things in my mind.
Kept telling myself that it wasn’t true, I have to be missing something.
But as the time floated on those holes got bigger.
Still I began to question is it really what I’m seeing.
Turns out, it was. I seen how you were.
Around me you were one way, your parents a bit different.
Around your friends was a different side of you.
A side I didn’t see as those holes got so big I could practically climb through.
It was no longer my imagination that I was questioning it was no longer my doubts.
I took you to meet two friends, that’s when I really seen it.
Those holes covered your body like there was nothing left of the one I thought I knew.
It took a long time to get to that point, I questioned things I trusted my own judgment.
I had to go while I still wanted to live.
Being drowned in your darkness.
Just couldn’t stand anymore
Said good bye to that.
Now my eyes are really opened
I seen what I was missing all this time.
No longer having to trust my judgment
No longer having to worry.
I’m now moving on
Life got me on the bench.
Waiting for my chance.
Wonder if I will see it.
Always has me waiting.
Got my mind thinking.
Life always has been anticipating.
Looking for the right time.
Wondering what tomorrow will bring.
Will it be that day or more waiting for life.
Maybe only time will tell.
The quietness in me grows even more.
On the bench I am going to sit.
Hopefully soon my time will come.
False prophets do exist, I’ve seen them.
Trying to detour you off the path that you have set for yourself.
A real friend will support your dreams
Trying to lure you away with false promises.
Temptation might be the key to lure one away.
If one is tempted it’s not your fault.
But sooner than later the falsehood will become clear.
Things will change, it’s up to you to gain the strength to overcome.
To move away from the false prophet and find one who you can love and trust.
Who will support what you do more than anyone else.
One who will brighten the path that your on.
Making you feel like a better person, more than ever.
Giving you strength when others try to put you down.
It’s important to push away from those false prophets.
Life is difficult enough without the weight of hate.
Anger and frustration pushing down on you.
I see nothing but darkness in that one.
All secretive will everything and always has been.
I tried to listen and take her into the light.
But clearly she refused.
No hope for that one.
She can’t be saved.
Just had to walk away from her.
Not sure how one could live life like that.
Her two faces come out more often now.
She doesn’t think that I don’t see her.
Living a secret life, nothing new.
I suspect that she always have.
I think she is better off living that lie
That she fantasizes about.
Her small group accepts her.
Clearly I have always seen through it.
I remember you, you always tried to keep me down.
Everytime I tried to change my ways or act more positive.
You found a way to dump on me.
Sneaky or upfront you always found it.
When I finally had enough, I raised myself from the ash.
I left it all at my feet as I continued to look up.
Knowing that better was out there.
Might have taken me a long time, but I finally did it.
It wasn’t a easy process, at times I get pulled down.
But not to your level, I have risen above that.
I continue to watch ones foolish mistakes.
Living In Agony
Wasn’t meant for this man.
Your head games were overcame with greatness.
I have let go what you have once made me believe
No longer I’m living with agony