Loneliness = Boredom

So it appears that when I’m by myself I’m lonely and when I’m lonely then boredom happens and it happens frequently. I hate this, I have over 200 xbox one games and none of them sound good. I think I get bored really really easily and it bothers me cause it makes me sit and look at the wall more often than not.  I feel sorry for people who hang out with me, they must think I’m one boring POS.
I never know what I want to do with my time.

I also have a playstation 4, but I don’t play it much.. The odd time I’ve thought about it, hell I’ve thought about going back to xbox 360 if it would help me get rid of my boredom but sadly… It doesn’t.

I think it’s because none of the games seem to facinate me, I thought about buying Star Wars Battlefront. Money isn’t the issue, the issue is I’m worried that if I do by the time I get it downloaded I’ll be bored and won’t want to play it.

I know I write but honestly as of late I’ve been feeling like I have to force stuff out, I don’t feel like it’s me anymore. I think in a few ways I just have to walk away from everything that I do to pass the time, even though I can see me starring at the wall for hours on end. But I think if that’s what I need to do then I should do it. Since right now I feel like all I’m doing is forcing myself to go from doing one thing to another,

I remember dropping coin on a 4TB external drive for my x1 so that I could download games anytime I want and it would all just sit there and wait for me to play it, well I feel like it’s just becoming a pain in the fucking ass right now. I feel like I don’t want to play those games, honestly nothing that’s out for the xbox one  (x1) I care to play right now. I don’t know what I want to play.. I’m just bored and it bothers me ALOT. I’ve been listing games on ebay to sell, honestly I don’t know if I want to sell some of them but I keep selling them because I don’t know what else to do. I kinda would prefer to have the money right now, BUT there’s nothing I care to spend it on…

I usually load my computer up with programs I use but as of late I’m slowly removing everything because I just lost interest in it, but the worse thing is I keep beating myself up over it. When I’m bored my mind goes right to “lets play video games”
I know my Xbox Live Gold subscription needs to be renewed in April, at this point in time I don’t want to renew it. I keep buying games and I keep kicking myself over doing so because I don’t play them and they just sit.. I just don’t know what to do..

Well that’s my thoughts for the time being, guess i’ll go back to uninstalling stuff on here 😦

Kennie

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Boredom

WOW, I must say the last two days I’ve felt boredom on a whole new level. I normally can easily get into gaming so I sat down and played some xbox one and I literally just sat and looked at the screen wondering what game to play, most games haven’t been lasting long with me. I’m starting to think that I need to take time away from that my problem is when I walk away from things like video games to give myself a break, I have to fight myself to go back to them at times. Then I have other times that something will sound good in my head until I sit down and play it, then once I sit down and play things the boredom rushes in like crazy.
I’ve been experiencing this for the last little while, I don’t know what the deal is, during the day I sit around and my brain feels like mush. The evening comes I watch a couple tv shows and at times I fight to keep my eyes open, then I sit to play video games and I stare at them like I don’t know what to do.
I wish I knew what was going on inside my own head.

I just listed 3 games for sale on ebay that I had on disc and they’ve sat for better part of the year and I haven’t touched them, one of which I bought a few day ago that I don’t really care to play but right now I don’t know what I do care to play. Incase your wondering the 3 games are:
WWE 2k17
Watch Dogs 2
Deus Ex – Mankind Divided

It’s starting to bother me that things that I normally do to occupy myself during the day I’m getting very very bored of.. Does this mean I need to find a new hobby ?, it very well will mean that however the problem with me finding a new hobby is one thing, at the current state my brain is in I don’t think anything will sound that terribly good. I can see me trying stuff out and just really sitting and starring at it like it’s a blank canvas and wondering what should I do with it next. Many things sound good to do when I think about them, I just have trouble bringing myself to do them.

I would hate to say that I’m over working my own brain which is causing it to be completely exhausted, specially when I don’t do a whole lot. I know this isn’t the first time that I’ve felt this way, in fact I’ve felt this way during the fall when Mom asked me to pile wood I had the hardest time getting motivated to go out and do it, then when she asked me to move the wood piles because some bullshit issue with the fence on our property I also found it very hard to find motivation to go and get that… So what does that say about me ?
Does that say that I’m a pathetic fat ass who can’t do anything ?… I wouldn’t think so but the fact that I’m having trouble staying interested in certain tasks enough to fully complete them to the end might say something different about me, or how about the fact that this is my second or third.. I think third blog posting of today, not that I normally have anything to say because I don’t, trust me I generally sit around and not say a whole lot or do a whole lot.

I hope no matter what I’m currently going through to make me feel like this that I snap outta it, because in all honesty it’s more frustrating than anything specially when you try and think of something to do but you just can’t do it.. you just sit motionless

Well that’s all I’m going to say about that, I could go on.. believe me I could. But in all honesty I think at some point in time I would just start to ramble, either that or I would forget or get bored of what I’m typing

Kennie