For the longest time in my life I always thought I would never write break up poetry, it’s been done before. It’s been done a million times over, it’s no doubt a very common subject so I didn’t want to write it but it turns out I do write it and I write lots of it. So what changed ?
I don’t remember the direct quote but I believe it was from Charlie Scene of Hollywood Undead who said: “every break up song is different and you may touch upon something that no other song has touched on and it’ll make people feel that song that much more”
Like I said it’s not a direct quote but it’s something similar.
So I wrote a lot of it, and I have gotten lots of positive reviews from what I said, it shocks me at times the positive response that I got when I wrote some of the things I did however it’s true, I’m sure I touched on things that nobody else did or worded shit differently than everyone else which may have touched you (the readers) and made you say “I can relate to that”
So if your going through a break up, fucking write about it… You very well may get positive responses like I did and honestly I haven’t gotten any negative responses from anything I wrote. I know with many people that’s what they fear is someone saying something bad about what they write and them taking it to heart since lets face it a good poet will bleed from the heart to the page he or she writes. But if you don’t put yourself out there you won’t know what response you will get, so don’t be afraid for the response you’ll get. For the most part you won’t get an actual response most people will just either do nothing or click “like” on what you write, very little will leave feedback on any site.
I’ve spent countless nights sitting in bed
Tapping away on the touchpad, wanting to get thoughts out of my head.
Into the digital world, onto my blog.
To leave my brain and let the picture come through the fog.
I know I have said many things that I would never say in real life.
The hatred and anger flowed through me like a murderer with a knife.
I’ve no doubt made people wonder if I was mentally stable.
But every week, I’m writing more to show you I’m more than capable.
Some nights I wish I could just stay up all night.
Letting my addiction take over as I sit and write.
I have too much to say and not enough time on my hands.
But if you met me in person you would see a quiet man.
I never knew anything to be so addictive.
When I sit down and my fingers hit the keys.
I’m no longer trying to figure out who to please.
The letters form words.
Words into sentences
From that the paragraphs get created
Spilling my soul to the page.
Letting out any emotion that I have to.
Writing is my drug, my drug is my writing.
At times I get feedback from people telling me I’ve helped them.
I smile and never thought that I was really that good at helping another.
Always love getting feedback to hear what my readers think.
May never be the most politically correct at what I say.
May have screwed up meanings of words that I thought meant other things.
Punctuation and grammar never my strong suit.
But the message is here for those to read
Looking at how your running your life now compared to before.
Clearly you were hiding things from me that you choose not to admit.
I look at you now and want to vomit.
Your solution is to ignore things in hopes of them getting better.
Wonder how the rest of your life is going to work.
When you get used and passed around like a baseball glove.
Perhaps that’s what you wanted all this time.
Feeling like you have nothing to offer anyone.
But having to lay in waiting like a snake in the grass.
It makes me think, what did you say to your friends about me before.
Of course they’ll come to your back now, but you promised them sex.
You disgust me, everything you do I feel my stomach pulsate.
I wonder when it’ll get to the point of actually throwing up.
Maybe if you bury your face in someones dick, your depression will vanish.
Perhaps if you lie about who you are, you’ll feel better about yourself.
Clearly that’s all you do, you don’t even know who you are.
Your a thousand piece puzzle, but each piece is from a different set.
Your a follower not a leader, your life is full of regret.
Your everyones favorite till they fucked you then your an after thought.
Not sure how you can even look at yourself in the mirror.
Your the one who thinks abuse and bdsm is all fun and games.
I feel sorry for you that your mind can’t wrap your head around things.
That you think that life is so simplistic.
Not understanding about how complex life is at times.
I don’t even know if the word disgust is a strong enough word.
I’ve always feared being alone.
To be alone with my own thoughts one would think is great.
However I start to over analyze things
Other things also come to mind.
No I’m not crazy
No I don’t hurt myself
I have trouble keeping my own thoughts at bay.
I’m good with spending time alone just not a lot.
My mind will run rapid
My mind will try to convince me that certain things are true.
But I know in the near future I will have to get use to it.
I’ll have to spend more time alone.
Not saying that being around someone is easier.
It depends on who the person is.
It depends on if I feel like I can talk to them.
At times when I talk I shake.
Trust me, it’s noticeable.
It’s my nerves acting up.
I try to do what I can to keep things at bay.
It’s not an easy thing to do.
I have also noticed that at times I feel alone around people.
Almost like those movie scenes, everything is moving except one character
Yup that’s how I feel with certain people, it’s the worse kind of lonely
It’s lonely but with people around.
That’s a tough one to have to get through.
How exactly do you tell someone near you that you feel lonely when they’re right there
I could never tell that person.
I would always struggle.
They didn’t understand.
They would tell me to go see a doctor
A doctor can’t help me, some people are good around people.
Some people are better by themselves
A small selection have trouble with both and just needs someone special
To be there with them and for them to feel the love and compassion from.
It’s a difficult thing to explain to people, don’t get me wrong.
Some people understand it from minute one.
Other people struggle with it.
Trying to explain things can frustrate me.
I try my best, but the frustration at times sets in.
I do my best, or I try to.
At times I don’t think my best is good enough.
I try to be me
It’s not easy.
It’s amazing how my mind thinks, in the past whenever I thought about writing as one of my other names or as I have recently called them “voices in my head” I always felt that they had to have a completely different persona and a different look, perhaps a mask or something like that or a different way of writing.
Now here I am sitting here and I haven’t written as one of the voices in my head for a while, the thought has came to mind don’t get me wrong but it just becomes too exhausting when I think about it because I have the habit of wanting to change up the look of them so that I can give them a website and all that fun stuff for people to learn about however the last few nights I’ve laid around thinking about writing as one of the voices in my head but honestly it’s just way too much work for how I use to do it, that and my girlfriend keeps complimenting how I look and she hates when I wear anything to cover up my face or any other part of me.. Relax I’m not naked typing this, I just no longer get the feeling of wanting to cover myself up in various ways.
I have thought about writing but honestly I don’t know. I do get the odd idea that I have thought about expanding on however I always want to do things a certain way like having graphics, like if I did a superhero book I would want to create the superhero and I just don’t know if I want to do that sort of thing. I’ve always had this idea of a “text superhero book” where it’s not really like a comic because I can’t draw but doing everything in text form but honestly I don’t know if I would be able to sit down and figure things out, or maybe I would… I honestly don’t know. I have had lots of thoughts cause I have one or two friends that also write and I have glanced at there stuff to see what they do and at times they use to try and post graphics of characters but I think after a while they just got to the point of saying “the story is more important”.
Another reason why I don’t think I’ve done it recently is because I feel like I’m constantly rushed when I get on the computer, I know right now I do because I just heard my Mom say “yup there’s the thunder” as we’re expecting thunderstorms today so I try not to get into anything that I can’t quickly finish and exit just in case things get bad or if I see the lights flicker
So there ya go, a somewhat of a inside look of what’s been going through my head recently… Maybe some of this will happen, maybe it won’t.. right now, I don’t know.
Sometimes people search for something, no matter if it’s there or not they continue to search for it in hopes of finding what may or may not exist.
Last few days have been exceptionally long and boring for myself, just been having a hard time finding what I want to do during the day to pass time. I feel as of late that I’m just sitting around and not doing anything but that has became my life.
I have a few things that I keep going over in my mind for what I would like to do but I just have no motivation to do any of it. For the last little while I haven’t even really had much urge to write which is definitely an odd thing for me. But I know for the longest time I kept debating about taking a step back from writing, not sure if it’s just exhausting to my brain or what but I feel like I just don’t have the motivation to do it anymore, but right now I have so much stuff that I have released that it really doesn’t matter to me. Everything can just float around the web and get read when it gets read, or not get read as the case seems to be.
As much as putting out new stuff would be an inspiration for me, honestly it’s not. Not right now, for a while I always felt like I had to put something new out but I’ve written so much that I think I’m just at the point of just not overly caring about it anymore, it’s like the idea of creating music.. I enjoy it from time to time but I’m just at the point that I don’t care if I don’t create anymore at this moment.
I don’t know what the future will hold for me in terms of writing, I know I get the odd person saying to me I should keep writing cause I’m good at it. But right now I just don’t know what I want to do in regards to it, maybe there’s something else I want to do that’s not writing, I don’t know.
I just don’t know anymore