Be Somebody – poetry/prose/poem

Be Somebody

We all want to be somebody.
How many times have you listened to someone or seen a movie.
Wanting to be that person on the screen or in your ear.
We all want to be somebody, but don’t want to give ourselves a chance.

We all go through trials and tribulations in our lives.
The paths are never paved, the hills are steep.
There’s no chairlift to take us to the top.
We all have to walk, find out own path.
What one person did, may not work for the next.

You have to stand tall, make your own path and live your own life.
Listening to the stories of others is great, but don’t follow there path.
Have your own life, have your own misfortunes. Be greatful for what you have and had.
Your past will make you a better person in your future.
May not like what you go through, nobody does.

You’ll have tunnels of darkness.
You’ll have pathways of light.
I don’t wish my life upon anyone.
Not my greatest friend, not my worse enemy.

I don’t want anyone elses life.
At times I don’t want to have mine.
In my mind I can see me being friendless in the future.
But if that’s the path I have to take, then so be it.

It’s my life, it’s my path.
I want to be somebody
I want to be ME

Kennie

Advertisements

I Am – Poetry, Prose, Poem

I Am

I am the quiet one with no voice.
I am the quiet one who can’t speak his mind.
When put in situations I hide.
I am the one who doesn’t like confrontation.

I know I’m not alone.
I know I’m not the only one who sits by himself in a dark room with his thoughts.
Wondering if certain things will change.
I am the one to tell all of you who also do that, your not alone.

I am the one to tell you that no matter what, life goes on.
Struggles are difficult in every sense of the word.
But life will go on.
I am the one who has made mistakes.
I am the one who have learned.

I am the one who use to reach out to others.
In this day and age it’s a tough thing to do.
It can be frowned upon if you do so.
It’s possible to be looked at in a negative way.

I am the one.
I am the one who’ll get through things either by himself or with someone.
I am the one who will never hide his past journey
I am the one who will never hide his past darkness

I am me
I am Kennie

Kennie

Too Much Thinking Is Bad For My Health – Poetry / Prose / Poem

Too Much Thinking Is Bad For My Health

I’ve put many people in positions in my mind that they say they wouldn’t do.
Lying to me or cheating on me, when they tell me the opposite.
I tend to over think everything, all possible scenarios.
If they want to do those things to me, I’ll gladly let them.
It tells me that they’re not worthy to have me in there life.

Some people have a revolving door of friends.
Mine is locked from the inside.
I don’t let many in, I let more out.
Trust doesn’t come easily to some, I’m the same.

Too much thinking is bad for my health.
It keeps me up at night.
It takes over my life and ruins my thoughts.

Need to start clearing my mind
Cleansing my thoughts.
Everyone can hurt me .
I’ll walk away from it all.

Kennie

Feeling Fuckin Exhausted

I hate this, since I don’t remember when this started in the evening, usually sometime after 4pm (sometimes sooner) I just end up feeling just completely fucking exhausted. So I have the habit of going to bed, well that’s where a problem happens, when I goto bed I toss and turn so I put on a movie.. Well I end up watching 2-3 movies in a night then falling asleep for the rest of the night around 3am and when I wake up not long after I feel once again …. completely fucking exhausted… honestly folks when I typed that I felt like I was talking to a group of people who actually responded in kind when I asked.

Some people say maybe you have anxiety or depression, I honestly wouldn’t doubt that. However back in 2016 I felt that way and I went to talk to my doctor, who put me on anti-depressants… this is how it went:

Round 1 – FIGHT (sorry gamer in me couldn’t help) … Anyways  first dosage was a “baby dosage” for 30 days, I found myself no better.
So I went back and talked to her
Round 2 – She upped my dosage… 30 days later I found myself no better… So I went back and talked to her..
Round 3 – She changed me up to another brand but back on the baby dosage, .. 30 days later, nothing I went back.
Round 4 – She upped that brand’s dosage, 30 days later I went back.. I then got told that she’s sending me out to see a psychiatrist …

The whole psychiatrist thing I’ve kept secret from 99% of people I know, I think I’ve told 3 people, but this isn’t the first psychiatrist I went to see.. but that one will involve another story that involved my high school…  So I drove an hour down to the fucking city to see this psychiatrist who I didn’t want to see.. He looked at me, asked me a few questions… This is what he told me:

“Anti-depressants are like an octopus, it uses it’s tentacles to try and find where you need most help and if it can’t find a spot to help  you. Then it won’t affect you and it’ll leave your system”

I never liked the idiot anyways, I knew the fucktard grew up in the city so if I mentioned something like “wood stove” that was causing me anxiety he had no idea what I was talking about since he was on oil or propane…
So I got told “finish up what your on and don’t renew  your prescription since if it ain’t doing anything, no point paying to be on it”

I finished up my last few pills and I think I had three weeks or maybe a month I don’t remember but I constantly felt dizzy, in one way it was kinda fun feeling that way. It was interesting trying to do some shit while feeling like that, I knew when it happened my video games didn’t get played..  That wasn’t for lack of trying, it was for lack of “what the fuck man” my brain and hands wouldn’t work together.

In October 2017 I outted myself on facebook and said something like “One year ago today I started anti-depressants” … A few people were shocked by the fact that I came out and said it since I hid it from so many… Then in December .. I think it was December, I posted “One year ago I was taken off anti-depressants” I don’t honestly remember if I said the December post or not. It’s kinda a little hazy to me.

That’s my own personal depression story, even now very little people … Still just 3 people, two I told and one who had to drive me everywhere.. But those were the only 3 who knew I went down to the city for that sort of thing

Well that’s all.

Kennie

Make Waves – Information

Alright so I said for the last little while that my next release “Make Waves” is going to be something different, unlike usual i’m not rushing it I’m letting things flow naturally but that’s not the different I’m talking about. The books I’ve released for the last year or two have always been listed under two poetry categories those two categories were:
Canadian
Contemporary

The first one is obvious… because I am…  The second one was because it was stuff that was going through my mind at the time and that I was perhaps going through at the time as well. Well the Make Waves release has been a long time coming I’ve had the cover created and the idea floating in my head since early September. I didn’t know if it was actually going to happen in 2017 and clearly it didn’t, I honestly didn’t know if it was going to happen in 2018.. However it clearly is going to be happening this year, I don’t know when but I do know that it will be my first release of 2018.

For those of you who are saying “what’s so different about this release from past releases ?” well with it being 2018 I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf and this release will be listed under two categories as well
Canadian
Spiritual

As I said first one is obvious, however I find that this bit of poetry/prose is more inspirational and that is what I’m going for. For the last little while I’ve been listening to more and more inspirational music  and needless to say it’s inspired me, it inspired me to turn over a new leaf, unlike many others who’ve done this and have removed there past stuff from all existence of the internet. I won’t be removing my past stuff because I want my journey to be available for all to read.

This maybe the first change I make this year but I’m sure it won’t be my last.

Kennie

Cutting Back & Doing More For Myself

So later this year I have to renew two things, I have to renew my top level domain (TLD) plus I have to renew my Xbox Gold, I have decided that I won’t be renewing either or.

Xbox Gold
I honestly don’t play enough online to make it worth my while anymore, that and with all the idiots online that is certainly I can do without, April 1st is when I have to renew things by and as I said and have made my choice I have no intention of renewing this, I’ve talked to a friend of mine who feels the same way about his xbox gold subscription. I renewed it last year but I questioned it because they raised the price by $10 so instead of it costing $60 it now costs $70 . I get the reasons for them doing it and it’s not that I couldn’t gather up the coin if I wanted to keep my xbox online, cause I could. It’s more so because over the last year I’ve paid attention to how much I actually do play online and what I’ve noticed is one thing.. I think I might play 30-50 hours online which it’s not really enough in my eyes to pay out money to play online. So in just over two months I’ll no longer be on Xbox Gold, honestly I’m looking forward to it.

Top Level Domain (TLD)
Ever since I started to create websites people have been telling me “you need a TLD to do anything with your website” the fact is that is completely false. I have owned 3 different TLD’s in my life and neither one of them have done anything for my site. So later this year (March & June) respectively I will be getting rid of both of mine and won’t be renewing them.

So that’s partly how I’m cutting back, the other way is I have a few bits of paid software which they say one should update the software every few years well I have 3 bits of paid software that are at that point of renewing, well honestly they have all been replaced. Essentially this is it for those who are wondering:
Magix Music Maker & Magix Movie Maker & Corel VideoStudio

Movie Maker & VideoStudio got replaced by OpenShot (freeware.. meaning no money)
Music Maker got replaced late last year by Mixcraft 8 home studio for a cheaper price through steam than what it would have cost me to update Music Maker…  Right now Music Maker will cost me $100+ … MixCraft 8 at the time of purchase only cost me around $20. Right now I’m happier with MixCraft than I was with Magix anyways so the $20 was well spent. The only program I have that I’ll have to worry about is Corel Paint Shop Pro, but I just bought it back in 2016 so I’m currently not worried about it I will see what sales get tossed my way since Corel is always sending me sales to upgrade..

Alright well that might bring out a second post for me later today, we shall see.

Kennie