I hate this, since I don’t remember when this started in the evening, usually sometime after 4pm (sometimes sooner) I just end up feeling just completely fucking exhausted. So I have the habit of going to bed, well that’s where a problem happens, when I goto bed I toss and turn so I put on a movie.. Well I end up watching 2-3 movies in a night then falling asleep for the rest of the night around 3am and when I wake up not long after I feel once again …. completely fucking exhausted… honestly folks when I typed that I felt like I was talking to a group of people who actually responded in kind when I asked.
Some people say maybe you have anxiety or depression, I honestly wouldn’t doubt that. However back in 2016 I felt that way and I went to talk to my doctor, who put me on anti-depressants… this is how it went:
Round 1 – FIGHT (sorry gamer in me couldn’t help) … Anyways first dosage was a “baby dosage” for 30 days, I found myself no better.
So I went back and talked to her
Round 2 – She upped my dosage… 30 days later I found myself no better… So I went back and talked to her..
Round 3 – She changed me up to another brand but back on the baby dosage, .. 30 days later, nothing I went back.
Round 4 – She upped that brand’s dosage, 30 days later I went back.. I then got told that she’s sending me out to see a psychiatrist …
The whole psychiatrist thing I’ve kept secret from 99% of people I know, I think I’ve told 3 people, but this isn’t the first psychiatrist I went to see.. but that one will involve another story that involved my high school… So I drove an hour down to the fucking city to see this psychiatrist who I didn’t want to see.. He looked at me, asked me a few questions… This is what he told me:
“Anti-depressants are like an octopus, it uses it’s tentacles to try and find where you need most help and if it can’t find a spot to help you. Then it won’t affect you and it’ll leave your system”
I never liked the idiot anyways, I knew the fucktard grew up in the city so if I mentioned something like “wood stove” that was causing me anxiety he had no idea what I was talking about since he was on oil or propane…
So I got told “finish up what your on and don’t renew your prescription since if it ain’t doing anything, no point paying to be on it”
I finished up my last few pills and I think I had three weeks or maybe a month I don’t remember but I constantly felt dizzy, in one way it was kinda fun feeling that way. It was interesting trying to do some shit while feeling like that, I knew when it happened my video games didn’t get played.. That wasn’t for lack of trying, it was for lack of “what the fuck man” my brain and hands wouldn’t work together.
In October 2017 I outted myself on facebook and said something like “One year ago today I started anti-depressants” … A few people were shocked by the fact that I came out and said it since I hid it from so many… Then in December .. I think it was December, I posted “One year ago I was taken off anti-depressants” I don’t honestly remember if I said the December post or not. It’s kinda a little hazy to me.
That’s my own personal depression story, even now very little people … Still just 3 people, two I told and one who had to drive me everywhere.. But those were the only 3 who knew I went down to the city for that sort of thing
Well that’s all.